Have you ever lied to yourself? Have you ever hit a ball in the water, taken another tee shot, made a par, and just counted it as a par? It’s so easy to do. You actually DID make a par, but there’s an asterisk.
Have you ever been on Weight Watchers, eaten 3 cookies, but only counted the points for 1?
Over time it gets easier and easier to lie to ourselves: sure I floss enough, one more glass of wine won’t hurt, I don’t look THAT bad in these pants.
This is where I was in my trading. I was lying to myself. I wasn’t following the rules or my process. I was playing wild and free with size, and it all caught up with me.
They say a person never changes until the pain of staying the same gets too painful. In AA they call it rock bottom. In preparing this post I looked up the definition of rock bottom.
Many people ascribe to the idea that in order to recover from alcoholism or addiction, the individual has to reach what is called “rock bottom”, or a point so low in their addiction that they are willing to do the work to get sober and recover. – Source
They are willing to do the work.
They are willing to do the work to recover.
I’d gotten lazy in my trading. I was cutting corners and making careless errors to the point that I started to disgust myself. It’s the way I always feel on January 1st after a month-long partying/drinking/eating bonanza that leaves me longing for a green juice and a treadmill.
You may have seen on Twitter that I started a transparency challenge. So much of that was selfish, honestly. I knew it was time to face the music, do the work, and hold myself accountable. I’d hit rock bottom (see this post), and if I stayed there any longer I’d lose all my capital and ability to trade.
There were too many days where I took huge size at the end of the day and made it back just barely green. There were too many days I chased every move and just got chopped around. Bad habits that turn out OK just reinforce those bad habits.
I knew it was time to be real with myself when I started actually praying that my trade would turn around and offering sacrifices to the universe. “I will never ever ever do this again if I can just get out of this trade.” I’m sure the universe has more important things to do than make $SPY bounce.
They say “the way you do one thing is the way you do everything.”
I started taking an assessment of my life. My bed was hardly ever made, my gym routine was sporadic, my alcohol consumption was bloated, and the Uber Eats deliveries arrived more nights than not.
I often wonder if I could be the person I long to be (loving mother/wife, successful trader, respected artist, podcaster who does meaningful work) if I lived more intentionally.
What if achieving your goals actually requires putting in the work to be better and not just giving it 70%?
What if it requires all of you?
The way you do one thing is the way you do everything.
What if everything you did was intentional and paying homage to the life you want to live?
Could making your bed every day translate into always putting a stop in where you know you should? Does waking up an hour early and going to the gym build confidence that you can be consistently profitable? Does forgoing pizza in favor of vegetables aid you in waiting for the perfect setup?
I honestly don’t know, but I think it’s a theory worth exploring.
People always ask “how bad do you want it?” How can the answer be, “more than anything I’ve ever wanted, but I refuse to make my bed.” And what if it really was that simple? What if making your bed, riding your bike, and reaching for a book instead if a remote could lead to the fulfillment of all your biggest goals.
I have no idea how being consistent in my personal life will translate into my trading, but I do know one thing… it won’t make it any worse.
People change when it becomes too painful to stay the same.
Cheers to the next 30 days.
It is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that we welcome you tonight. And now, we invite you to relax, let us pull up a chair, as your favorite trader proudly presents… your April Playlist.